BIG DADDY K

LISTEN UP, MAGGOTS! SIT DOWN AND READ THIS WHOLE ARTICLE OR I'LL HAVE YA DROP ON YOUR FACE AND GIVE ME 25!!

The History Channel has the Gunny, R. Lee Ermey, but the Sandbox has its very own salty former Marine Corps DI. His name is Keith M., otherwise known as AAALocksmith, aka "Big Daddy K", or simply BDK. After selling off his 12" Star Wars figures "due to specialization in GI Joes and Ultimate Soldiers," he found his way into the Sandbox at the beginning of November of 1998. The Sandbox would never be the same!

BDK wrote his own mini-bio in the following post from November 14, 1998:

"First, you need to know a couple of things.

In the Corps, the military job one does is refered to as your M.O.S. (military occupational specialty) and each one is assigned a special number (grunt - 03, military police - 58, etc). The M.O.S. number that designates Drill Instructor is 8511.

Now, when a D.I. gets in trouble for being too hard on the great unwashed momma's boys, he either gets a chewing out, a fine or kicked-off the Drill Field. If you get the big one (kicked-off) it's call being VOIDED as opposed to being voided ON, I guess).

Keeping all the above in mind, let me tell you about the plate I have displayed on the front bumper of my locksmith van. On a beautful scarlet background are the numbers 8511 in gold. Diagonally, as if stamped by a military official, is the word
VOIDED. Yep, that's right. I got the Big V. My first tour as a "hat" in '84 went great! I was awarded my Big V on my second tour in '87. With the glorious V on my record, my prospects for promotion were pretty bleak...So I hung around for another two years in hopes that things might improve, but to no avail. Took my DD214
(discharge form) at the 12 year mark and did the old "seabag drag". Flopped around from one dead end job to another for a couple of years and then got an education so as to start my own business as a 'all mobile' locksmith.

Haven't looked back and I'm not bitter towards the Corps. I'm on a first name basis with the Commanding General and most of the D.I.'s at Parris Island now, and fondly remember my time in the Corps.

If you will please gently wake up the Sandboxer next to you that fell asleep during this most BORING diatribe, I will thank you and bid you farewell for now.

Semper Fi,
Big Daddy K"

If there's any doubt about BDK's devotion to the Corps, try this on for size!

"BTW - my daughter was born in '82 and the CMC (Commandant of the Marine Corps) was General Kelly. I have a photo of the two of us at that year's Marine Corps Birthday Ball. It was shot just as I informed him that I had named my newborn in his honor - Kelly M.! The look on his face is PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!

Semper Fi,
Big Daddy K"

Even for a hardcore "leatherhead" having a teenager daughter proved to be a tough assignment! A thread glowing with the joys of parenthood and playing GI Joes with kids prompted one Sandboxer to comment "Aint this what it's all about anyway??? I can't wait to have kids (Vman)". In reply, BDK posted this:

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO!!!!!!!!

Right now, for a limited time, I will trade my daughter for a C-9 MIMB '64 Action Marine. The sticker sheet MUST be intact and little to no shelf wear on the box. 8-)

Big Daddy K"

By this time you might think BDK is all blood and guts. The truth is there's a quite a bit of heart inside that tough exterior. Grab a hanky and read this touching account from Keith's childhood:

"Date: Sun, Nov 29 1998

My mom was the coolest. She passed away at the age of 48 and I still miss her very much.

Whenever we went to a store, she would always let me go look at toys and stuff by myself. She didn't have to worry about knowing where I was because she only had to listen for the "clankity-clank" that those leg braces made! Well, one day we were in this department store and as usual, she let me take off on my own. All the while, she listened for the sound of my "legs of steel" banging around on the foor tiles. On this particular day, after I had been gone for a long time, she tried to locate me using her hearing. Suddenly, she heard the sound "clank, clank - clank,clank" and thought that something was wrong with me. The sounds she heard sounded like my braces were coming apart! She heads in the direction of the double "clanks", turns the corner, and there I am (age 5) walking along hand in had with a cute little 6 year old blonde girl wearing the same leg gear as mine. When I saw her, I thought something was wrong with my mom! She was standing there, looking at us two little gimps with tears in her eyes. I didn't understand at the time, but when I was older she told me, "I was crying from joy! Most of the kids in our neighborhood wouldn't play with you because either they were scared of your leg braces or sometimes, their parents wouldn't let them near you for fear that you had polio or something and were afraid that their kids would get it too from being too close to you. I was overjoyed to see you and your new friend together because you looked like you were thrilled to have a friend that was just like you." How could I not love a broad like my mom?

Now that I'm through with the boo-hoo eyes story, on to the game she and I used to play.

No matter where in town we went, kids would always come up and ask my mother what the "things" on my legs were and what was "wrong" with me. Everytime this happened, she would get this look of puzzlement on her face and say, "What are you talking about? I don't see anything on his legs." This would usually make the kids repeat their question while thrusting their hands forword in a pointing gesture to make my mom "see" what they were talking about. She would look even more confused and say, "I don't see anything on his legs, are you going nuts or something?" By
this time, the kids were so exasperated that they would leave in a huff. When they were out of sight, my mom and me would laugh so hard it would bring tears to our eyes and make our guts hurt! My mother had it pretty bad back then. Not only was her Marine husband off fighting a war in Vietnam, she was holding down a full time job and raising two boys on her on and one of them was handicapped. Whenever life throws it's inevitable obstacles my way, I remember my mom and the way she never let anything get her down. I was a young Marine Sergeant in Dress Blues the day we buried her. It was on a cold and rainy morning on the 17th of December 1986.

I've got to put the keyboard away now because all this talking about her is making it hard for me to see the letters on the screen. As Lewis Grizard used to say, "Ya'll give your mamma a call tomorrow. I sure wish I could call mine."

BDK"

ALRIGHT YOU MOMMAS BOYS! WIPE OFF THEM BOOHOO EYES AND KEEP READIN OR I'LL HAVE YOU DIGGING LATRINE HOLES WITH A SPOON!!

Well, now that you know all about BDK, you may be able to better appreciate this bit of Sandbox lore that I'm about to relate. It has come to be known as the "Plywood Enema Incident". You'll soon see why.

It happened soon after BDK appeared in the 'Box. I don't know if BDK was aware of the Price Police at the time, but he certainly knew about their charter. Especially the part about "aggressively pursue and eradicate scalpers." It was the misfortune of one first-time poster to have entered the Sandbox at this time with a rather provocatively worded "for sale" post:

"From: John E. (scalpel6)
Date: Wed, Nov 11 1998

FOR SALE *** TARGET EXCLUSIVE * * *

Remember that swell wooden footlocker that G.I. Joe had?!? Remember how you could never find all of the gear to make it complete? Well, Target (and me) have finished your search. I have two complete exclusive sets MIB (black soldier and white soldier). They include the wooden footlocker, ALL of the gear shown on the footlocker tray AND a duffle bag and rain poncho. Standing at attention beside the footlocker is the soldier in fatigues and tall black boots. Drop me a line if you are interested. Remember, first come, first served!

White Soldier Make an Offer
Black Soldier Make an Offer

P.S. The local store has three more sets of the white soldier (all have blonde hair)."

Remember now that the Price Police charter and the standard of the Sandbox was to "sell currently available GI-Joes at cost plus shipping." "Make an offer" sounded like the words of a scalper! In fact, several Sandboxers raised the warning flag and began to "pursue" this guy. It was BDK though that swung the hardest with this little post:

"Hey scalper - I got an offer for you. How about I cram those two footlockers so far up your a** that you'll be choaking on those "real rope handles"?

Jeez Lou - [freaking] - ese!!!!

With love,
Big Daddy K"

As it turned out though, John aka Scalpel6 actually had no intention to scalp his wares, but was simply unaware of the proper protocol for offering such things for sale. He e-mailed his apologies to a Sandboxer or two along with a comment about not coming back to the newsgroup. Everybody, including BDK, felt really bad about their rather hostile response to poor John's first-ever post. "Big Daddy" soon posted a followup in the 'Box:

"I just sent John an email that contained a heartfelt apology for my flamming response to his original post.
:-( "

Big (and sometimes stupid) Daddy K"

Fortunately, the apologies and subsequent warm welcomes from fellow Sandboxers convinced John to return to the newsgroup. As of this writing he is still around, now going by the handle "Land Adventurer", a well-respected and contributing member of the group.

As for BDK, a few years ago he divorced "the passenger side airbag" (his own words), sold off a lot of his collection on eBay, and now mostly lurks in the shadows, posting very infrequently. He is missed. Many of us hope he'll come back to play in the Sandbox.